Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Eggshells and Elephants



Eggshells and elephants. Two seemingly unrelated topics, right? Wrong! Most are familiar with the concept of an "elephant being in the room". When there's some obvious topic, monumental in its grandeur that is awkward. So naturally, no one talks about it. We pretend everything is fine but we carefully tiptoe around the gargantuan pachyderm as though on eggshells.

This past week, there is such an elephant present. (Make note of my "responding with grace" blog) Everybody knows this awkward damned unpleasant topic affects me (particularly the individual that placed the pachyderm smack in my life space) yet, we'll talk about everything else. Or worse, there are simply peculiar looks shot my way or evasive glances. I have to say, I hate when I feel everybody looks at me differently. And in general I say screw tradition let's just get this out in the open and deal with it. Unfortunately, I know that if I even acknowledge said elephant, I will not be able to hold back the floodgates and that discretion on my part may be, no, is best. You see, this in fact someone else's elephant, and I'm afraid that he will need to be the one who addresses this. I will be gracious and loving to everyone around me despite the awkward house guest. I think in this instance I shall just wait ans respond graciously, all will be revealed in time- I just have to trust. And hope the elephant doesn't poop on me.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Friday, September 5, 2008

Find My Rest

Do you ever think, "if only this or that" or "when such and such finally happens" then you'll finally be happy or at peace? I guess its no wonder we get so shaken when our ups go down and our stroll through life turns into a roller coaster. If our peace is dependent on other people, then disappointment is what we can expect. Real peace lies on the foundation that doesn't change. Why do we build such grand castles in the sand? We invest our hopes and dreams and joys there-until the tide comes in. And we can get ourselves awfully worked up over things when we really don't have to. I think we complicate them. When, if we simply trust God we'd realize that worrying does not do a thing! Worry and hurting doesn't change what is-but prayer does. God does. He needs to be our point of reference. I guess we'll find our rest when we are able to genuinely seek Him first. To want Him most and stop looking all around.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace"

That's all I have to say about that.

Responding With Grace

I am having more and more moments in which I feel I am growing up. In some ways this is great, but in others it makes me want to scream and join the lost boys of Neverland who never have to. Would that I could fly to the second star to the right and straight on till morning! Part of this maturing, is learning to respond with dignity and grace. Currently, I am faced with an awkward hurtful situation-and it is one which I cannot address or change. Thus I am challenged to accept what I cannot change-and to do it with grace. So much of me wants to throw a temper tantrum, sink to that level, play dirty, cause a scene and snub. And there are many that would encourage me to do just that. But I can't! I am called to live a life worthy of my calling. I don't want to fit into the mold of stereotypes. And if I am indeed becoming the woman I hope, I must trust that God is in all of this and will hold my heart no matter what. I have sensed that small voice saying to me "Do you trust me?" If I really do trust Him, there would be no need to stew or act out as part of me wants to. In general, my heart is on my sleeve and it can be fairly challenging holding things in and guarding my heart. Right now, I must hold back and not become bitter or angry. I have to be resigned. But I must continue to exhibit the love Christ would have me show and let my heart rest...and boy is it hard!

"This is where you go from being a child of God, to being a woman of God"-said to me amidst the rocking curves of this roller coaster