Time?

In general, we think of time in a linear fashion. Past. Present. Future. And along this line, movement must be in the forward direction. I have thought often, that perhaps this is not so. What if all of time exists simultaneously and we can only experience it moment by moment. Could this maybe explain deja vu? And how about God? And prayer? Our God is omniscient. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Eggshells and Elephants

Eggshells and elephants. Two seemingly unrelated topics, right? Wrong! Most are familiar with the concept of an "elephant being in the room". When there's some obvious topic, monumental in its grandeur that is awkward. So naturally, no one talks about it. We pretend everything is fine but we carefully tiptoe around the gargantuan pachyderm as though on eggshells.

This past week, there is such an elephant present. (Make note of my "responding with grace" blog) Everybody knows this awkward damned unpleasant topic affects me (particularly the individual that placed the pachyderm smack in my life space) yet, we'll talk about everything else. Or worse, there are simply peculiar looks shot my way or evasive glances. I have to say, I hate when I feel everybody looks at me differently. And in general I say screw tradition let's just get this out in the open and deal with it. Unfortunately, I know that if I even acknowledge said elephant, I will not be able to hold back the floodgates and that discretion on my part may be, no, is best. You see, this in fact someone else's elephant, and I'm afraid that he will need to be the one who addresses this. I will be gracious and loving to everyone around me despite the awkward house guest. I think in this instance I shall just wait ans respond graciously, all will be revealed in time- I just have to trust. And hope the elephant doesn't poop on me.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Find My Rest

Do you ever think, "if only this or that" or "when such and such finally happens" then you'll finally be happy or at peace? I guess its no wonder we get so shaken when our ups go down and our stroll through life turns into a roller coaster. If our peace is dependent on other people, then disappointment is what we can expect. Real peace lies on the foundation that doesn't change. Why do we build such grand castles in the sand? We invest our hopes and dreams and joys there-until the tide comes in. And we can get ourselves awfully worked up over things when we really don't have to. I think we complicate them. When, if we simply trust God we'd realize that worrying does not do a thing! Worry and hurting doesn't change what is-but prayer does. God does. He needs to be our point of reference. I guess we'll find our rest when we are able to genuinely seek Him first. To want Him most and stop looking all around.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace"

That's all I have to say about that.

Responding With Grace

I am having more and more moments in which I feel I am growing up. In some ways this is great, but in others it makes me want to scream and join the lost boys of Neverland who never have to. Would that I could fly to the second star to the right and straight on till morning! Part of this maturing, is learning to respond with dignity and grace. Currently, I am faced with an awkward hurtful situation-and it is one which I cannot address or change. Thus I am challenged to accept what I cannot change-and to do it with grace. So much of me wants to throw a temper tantrum, sink to that level, play dirty, cause a scene and snub. And there are many that would encourage me to do just that. But I can't! I am called to live a life worthy of my calling. I don't want to fit into the mold of stereotypes. And if I am indeed becoming the woman I hope, I must trust that God is in all of this and will hold my heart no matter what. I have sensed that small voice saying to me "Do you trust me?" If I really do trust Him, there would be no need to stew or act out as part of me wants to. In general, my heart is on my sleeve and it can be fairly challenging holding things in and guarding my heart. Right now, I must hold back and not become bitter or angry. I have to be resigned. But I must continue to exhibit the love Christ would have me show and let my heart rest...and boy is it hard!

"This is where you go from being a child of God, to being a woman of God"-said to me amidst the rocking curves of this roller coaster

What's Right With You?

Have you ever just needed a good jolt to remind you that the sun is still shining? That you don't really need to wander aimlessly in the depths of despair? Well, what started out as a fairly charming line of a love song, became also a joyful & loving reminder of how great life really is. Just a simple phrase that a very dear friend would ask me when I seemed to be lacking in perspective:

"What's right with you?"

Yeah, so I admit, I am one of those glass half full "praisalleuia-for-the-glass!" kind of people. But even we, the annoyingly happy, can get discouraged. In fact, it has been occurring with a noted increase in frequency lately which is none too thrilling. So, as I deal with hurts and frustrations on a now more regular basis I need to remember all those things that are right with my world.

Dimensional Love or the Divine Paradox

For some time I have been pondering this, and well, its just about time I finally wrote some of it out! Is it just me or does an awful lot of the Bible seem initially contradictory? There seem to be so many paradoxes I often have wondered just what to make of them. Think about it: God is the lion-and the lamb. He gently loves a child yet a word from Him is mighty enough to make mountains tremble and storms cease. He is holy and righteous, but also forgiving and kind. He can be a judge or an advocate, a friend or a father. At one point this put me in a slight conundrum. How could this be? How can God possibly be merciful and at the same time a fair and righteous judge? But He is. I've seen several illustrations of all these varying aspects of God. One quite effective, if somewhat cliche, is that of a diamond or precious gem. They have facets, yes? God too has many sides, and we can't always see them at once. While we may see a new side, the gem didn't change-only our perspective. Remember, He is the great I Am. He is. That's a rather all encompassing phrase. While so many adjectives describe our Lord, not one covers it all. So-He is. At certain times we will see a particular aspect of God's character. There may come a time when we see Him as our chastiser and judge. Yet, He is still merciful and loving. He's our Shepherd, our Friend and also our Husband. I'm sure I could never find an end to the different aspects of Him. Lately, I have begun to see Him in some new light. Particularly as the bridegroom-something I knew, but didn't really know. It seems as I grow I become more aware of God's workings. And that's the way it should be. So, like a diamond has various dimensions so does God-and God is love.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide, and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19

When we first start out in anything we have a very elementary knowledge. As we continue on whatever course that may be, we will see things we had no concept of at the first. Things will be unveiled and revealed. At the beginning of someone's knowing Jesus, it is easy to know Him solely as Savior. Then, we see Him as Lord. The same God that brought down fire and judgement is the same that left 99 to find you. So, God doesn't change-He is the same yesterday, today and forever. I think as we journey forward we begin to see that there is more to our Lord than we ever imagined. Some days I must remember that He is slow to anger and abounding in love. Some days I need to know His power and might. Some days I need boldness. Some I need meekness. Some days I need Him to give me more words, others I need to rest in the quiet. He is the author and finisher of our faith. He meets all our needs.Who knows what we might discover if we try go grasp each of those pictures of our God.

Believing ON

You may ask, "Do you believe in Jesus?"
Many many people will respond in the affirmative. "Sure I believe in Jesus".
However, believing in Jesus is not enough. Oh really? You ask. Indeed. My pastor pointed out that there are places in scripture that tell us to believe ON Christ. Mhh, I'd never given that much thought. What's the difference between believing in and believing on?

To believe on something is to put your full weight on it. It is trusting that the object of your belief will hold you up and keep you from falling. Resting fully.

Let's use a cheesy illustration, shall we?

Suppose there is a chair in the room you're in.
Do you believe in the chair?
Why of course, it's right here.
Good.
Now sit in it.
If you trust that you can sit on that chair and it will not crumble beneath you, then you believe on the chair. If on the other hand, you decline the offer of that seat as you question the weight capacity of said chair then you are not. You see there is a difference.

What would our faith look like if we took this same perspective to our Lord?

Many believe in the existence of Jesus-but when push comes to shove, what does that belief really mean? Is there any weight to it? So when in comes to the pain or questions in our lives do we put them fully on God or do we hang on, trying to maintain control? If we are believing on Him there is no need to worry, no need to manipulate or strategize. We can lay back in the arms of our Savior and know that His plans and purposes will come to pass.

Be still and know that He is God.

In Him we will find our rest.

Again...

Again? Seriously?

Have you ever though you learned a lesson? Thought you finally understood? Finally overcame a struggle…only to fall once again hard to the ground in defeat? WHY? Why when I know better do I so easily fall back again and again into the same mistakes? I know better. I know it’s a weakness. But still, I fall-again. I have taken so many tumbles of this kind, that my spirit must be black and blue with bruises. I know that that stumbling block is there, yet perhaps instead of steering clear, I’ll try to just get real close without actually touching it, try to sneak around as close as I can to that dangerous line. Then, as time and again I find myself wounded and ashamed I resolve again to do better, I fall still harder and despair. The discouragement is enough to leave me ready to give up. It’s impossible. I have asked for forgiveness so many times God must think I’m playing a game. I have worn out that prayer and I shouldn’t bother asking-it’s impossible so what’s the point?

The point is that God is beyond possibility.

I have a theory.

We try to do things our way first. For some reason we don’t look to God until He is a last resort or until something drastic enough happens to get our attention. Maybe when His voice is still small, we don’t think He really means it-or maybe it was our imaginations. We don’t always get it until the consequences trouble us. Yet, we are a selectively tenacious people. We will hang on to our will and way as long as possible, letting go only little by little, and often kicking and screaming. Thus, we drag out our growth process. If once we fail to pass a test, does it simply stop?

No, we will continue to face tests of that kind until we pass.

Only then can we grow and move forward.

How I have lamented to costs of lessons learned late! Wept over prices that were too high, or simply kicked myself for the accumulation of all those little trips and falls that have slowly covered that light within.

I believe we will repeatedly face the same mountains and temptations until we have entirely submitted then to Christ and been totally purified. Perhaps each time around we burn off a bit more of the chaff-but until all the impurities have been brought to the surface to be wiped away, we will stay in that refining fire.

We will stay there until we begin to reflect Christ in that area of our lives.

How strange is it that there must be fire for growth! It seems impossible. Yet, think of a great forest. Unless fire opens the pinecones, they will not grow. Unless, we burn away the chaff, the wheat will be choked out. Though painful, that searing dancing heat is what transforms us into a new creation. As a phoenix from the ashes, are we from the threshing floor-if we pass the test.

So, if you find yourself once again in the flames of a familiar fire, keep your eyes open, for an opportunity lies before you. An opportunity to grow. Endeavor to pass the test. Humble yourself. Admit you need Him to have victory-that you cannot do it on your own. Recognize what is at stake. With each test, the stakes go up. The consequences and rewards will have greater impact.

What do you have to lose?
What do you have to gain?

I think when we get vision. When we can truly see-the binds will break.

Every time you begin to slip beneath the waves, look up.
Every time you trip over that rock, look up.
Every time you stray, look up.

For Christ is an ever-fixed mark on whom we can base our next move.

And He’ll be there.

Again

And again

And again…

Seeds, Jonah and Seeking First...or something like that

God asked me to lay something down earlier this week. It was hard. It hurt. A lot. I cried. A lot. For a little while I didn’t know how to release this thing. I didn’t know what to do or how to pray. Letting go of something precious can be one of the most difficult things to do. But it is necessary for there to be a death of sorts for new life to appear.

What you sow doesn’t come to life unless it dies. 1 Corinthians 15:36

At church, our worship pastor made the statement, “The extent you wish to grow to, is the extent you have to be willing to be cut back”.

Abraham, who has received the promise that his offspring would be reckoned through Isaac, had to be willing to sacrifice him-and it was because of his willingness that the Lord was his provider. It said when Abram received that promise, “[he] believed God and it was credited him as righteousness.” Even though he had received a promise, and by all appearances the promise would be fulfilled through Isaac, God tested him-and he passed the test. As a result he was able to keep his beloved son. But the key was his WILLINGNESS to do anything the Lord asked. Did he turn back to God and say, “But you promised! How could you betray me? I heard your voice and knew your promise! Now you’re taking away what you gave me!”? How often do we do that to God? So, God asking me to lay this down doesn’t change what He already told me-but God must and shall be preeminent in my life! When we lay something down, it to receive a greater promise. Beauty from ashes. Christ layed down his life, that we might all be raised in glory! We lay down a seed in the ground, and the resulting crop is bountiful beyond what you could see in the small seed.

In the Old Testament, men were asked to sacrifice a bull or a lamb. Today, we are to lay down our lives. Not to necessarily physically die for God, but that our lives be His. The difficult thing with us is that we are LIVING sacrifices. We put ourselves on God’s alter-the tricky part is if we walk up to the alter, we can walk off. However when God is exalted and we are submitted, when we are seeking Him first-then we are equipped to discover and follow God’s will-even if it is just one step at a time.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

So, even though it was hard to lay this thing down-I know that through obedience I will be able to receive God’s choice blessing for me…and I have no idea what that is. Hooray! I’ve heard it said on more than one occasion that if I knew all of what God was going to do in my life I would screw it up-and that is absolutely correct. Because at that point, since I know it all, I stop trusting God and try to do it on my own, which of course I can’t. Jesus said when we pray to pray, “…give us this day our DAILY bread…” His Word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. A lamp only illuminates a little bit. He’ll show us the next step, but not the whole journey. That’s part of the beauty and adventure of our God, we always have something to look forward to-if tomorrow comes He has a plan, if tomorrow doesn’t come then we will be with Him so there is always hope. Always. He loves us. He gives us what we need, when we need it, regardless of what it costs Him. He supplies our NOW, not our later. When the Israelites wandered in the desert He gave them manna and quail each day. If they tried to store it up, it would rot. They knew they were in continual need of provision from the Lord.

You see, I had the future all figured out and I went ahead with it-even though in the back of my mind I had some misgivings about the wisdom of my actions. I thought I had it all figured out. God reminded me that I don’t have a clue-but not worry. He does. He has a plan to prosper me, to give me a hope and future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Of course, what some people forget is that this verse is followed by “…you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” This thing had quickly become too important in my life. I had become selfish and God was not properly exalted in my life. My heart was divided and a Kingdom divided against itself cannot stand.

Today as I was thinking over the current state of things, I compared myself to Jonah. He knew what God wanted him to do, then went and did what he wanted and justified himself. God let him have his personal pity party for only so long-pretty soon the storm started to rage and he ended up inside a fish! I also, had been warned by God-He clearly said, “Wait” but I let my desires get in the way so I moved forward. But, like Jonah, God only let me do that for so long. Praise His Name it didn’t take getting thrown overboard or becoming whale chow for me to readjust my sails and go with His movement!

However, there was some hurt. The Lord disciplines the ones He loves. Some of my sorrow comes from the fact that in my personal excursion to Tarshish-I was not the only one hurt. And this is one of the hardest parts of this ordeal for me to get through. It’s one thing to put oneself in danger, but to put someone you care about deeply in harms way is something entirely different. This individual protected me and had strength when I was weak. And I hurt him. I was selfish. Knowing that in this whole process someone dear to me was wounded as well made me ache inside. For that forgiveness seems harder. I forgot that “Mercy triumphs over judgment!” (James 2:13) I felt as though I had irreversibly screwed up what God had for me and possibly for someone else as well. I feared that. When the word fear entered my mind I stopped. “For God did not give us a spirit if fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind.” The word fear triggered my mind to recognize that those feelings were from the enemy. My mind was going every which way, my emotions were up and down, and I was blowing things out of proportion. Who am I to assume I could unravel the plans of the Most High?

But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.

Psalm 33:11

So, fortunately He thwarted my attempt to take control and He is back in the driver’s seat. Which is a pretty good thing considering I was speeding ahead of His timing for my life. And the resulting ticket of that would be much more costly than doing 45 in a 25 zone. His plan will be accomplished in my life because His Word says so. The Bible says nothing about Natalie’s abilities being greater than the Lord’s, so we’ll stand on the Word of God which is the only foundation I’ll stand on because all others are sinking sand. I was building a castle in my mind, unfortunately the foundation was not yet settled. And we all know that if the foundation of a house is off, everything you build on it will be too. So, thankfully I am now letting God back in to get my personal foundation right. Then when He’s ready, He can build up. “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” So, this week has been a time to tear down. But never fear! Because just as there is a time to tear down there is a time to build. I notice that God burned away the chaff, but there is still plenty of wheat left. God uprooted the aspects of this that were not of Him but left plenty of seeds that are of Him. And I suppose the resulting crop will be found out through the test of time. So I will wait and prepare for God’s purposes and plans to be unveiled.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

This laying down changes a lot of what I was thinking was coming up for me in my life. Who knows what He’s got in store for tomorrow? For those things, I wait in eager expectation. I know not what they are specifically but I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) I could easily worry and over analyze (as I am so very prone to do) what the various repercussions and outcomes could be. This I find rarely produces any solution or sense of peace. You know why? Because, I haven’t been promised tomorrow (James 4:13-17) I can look forward to the great things I am hoping to see or experience, but I can only walk in today. I can only affect change now in the present. If I use this time well, being obedient and seeking my King, then everything else will fall into place without me worrying and crying over it. By the time I get to tomorrow and next week and next year, it will all be taken care of as long as I am always being a good steward of Today. If I am always presently in the center of God’s will, then He will carry me where He chooses and I have nothing to worry about.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-34

Worth My Life

Part A

While in the Dominican Republic, Mike preached at the Big Tent a sermon entitled, “Dead Man Walking”. He started out sharing the lyrics to “Live Like You Were Dying”. We shout “seize the day!” and similar mantras. Unfortunately such zeal is generally fleeting, like a fading mist.

He then said that prisoners on death row are considered the most dangerous. Why? Because they have nothing left to lose. They already know their life is going to be taken, so what can men possibly do to them? Jesus of Nazareth was such a man. He knew He was being led to His execution-He knew his time was short. He took hold of every opportunity.

~If Christ is for us who can be against us?
~We must daily die to self, take up our cross and follow Him.
~Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

What have we to fear? Christ has defeated death!

So, knowing that we are but strangers in this world, that we daily die to self, and are on the road to our physical death…why do we fear? We behave as though we are subject to the same laws that govern the carnal nature. But we are not! We live by the Spirit! We should have the same courage and fearlessness; that boldness that only those with nothing more to lose can walk in. We should be dangerous. Our daily acts should push back the enemies’ battle lines and we should be claiming souls for the Kingdom.

Mike then preached the same sermon back in Lakeland. It hit me both times.

I have now taken it a step further. These are two separate accounts, but in my mind this is the progression, so follow if you dare my stream do consciousness.

Part B

Trying to share a passion for missions with someone of a dissimilar passion can be a challenge. Because we are wired for different purposes we simply can’t wrap our brain around different callings. Once while expressing my heart to my dad and my willingness to go into dangerous areas. He said, “Natalie, I love you passion. Just use some common sense. It’s not worth your life.” Now, of course being my daddy he has to look out for his little girl. I’m not sure now what I said at the time, but since then a fitting response has come to me.

I don’t want to live for something if it’s not worth my life.

Whatever I do must be worth my life. I must have a passion-a willingness to suffer and sacrifice in order to see the will of God done. If not, what’s the point? To build my life on any foundation other than an eternal one is to build a castle in the sand…and why should I build a castle in the sand when I can have a mansion in the heavens? I want adventure. I want to see people transformed. I want my life to be an investment and alter to eternity. To put the work of my heart and my hands where moth and rust cannot consume. Where thieves cannot break in and steal. I want to store up treasures in Heaven. I thrive on the move of God and find myself parched when caught up in the status quo. So much is fleeting. I want to chase after that crown that will last forever. I want to expand the Kingdom everywhere I go! I want God to be glorified in every move-every breath I take. We are bombarded with opportunity and chances to do the good work we are here to do. So, we have a choice. We can “eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die” or we can take hold of eternity and try to take as many people along for the ride as we possibly can. I will not live a life as a castle on the sand. On the Rock I will build my life and no howling storm or tidal wave will bring to ruin what God has built! I want the chaff burned away and His face to be my reflection as I come through the Refiner’s fire.

So, if you're going to live like you were dying-make sure what you’re living for is worth dying for.