Thursday, March 15, 2007

To ∞Infinity∞ and Beyond!

"...for one of the nicest things about mathematics, or anything else you might care to learn, is that many of the things which can never be, often are. You see it's very much like your trying to reach Infinity. You know that it's there, but you just don't know where-but just because you can never reach it doesn't mean that it's not worth looking for."-Phantom Tollbooth

Infinity: The quality of being infinite. : Unlimited extent of time, space, or quantity: Boundlessness

Reaching God is much like trying to reach Infinity. God is infinite. He is not bound by space or time. He has no end and no beginning-yet He is the Alpha and Omega, beginning and the end. We know we're supposed to pursue holiness and Godliness but we can never be perfect. (That is until of course we've been glorified in Heaven and all that jazz) But just because we can never truly achieve that on earth does not mean we should give up trying. There is always room to grow, always a higher goal to achieve.



Have you ever experienced wanting something desperately? Aching and yearning for that one thing-then when it finally happens there's almost a letdown? "OK that's accomplished. Now what?" If all our goals are earthly goals, eventually we will be let down. So we create new goals which is wonderful-but even then not all of those will stretch over into eternity. However, the quest for the Lord will never leave us with spiritual postpartum depression of you will. This letdown after a goal is reached is common: The honeymoon phase ends, the baby blues, etc. etc. etc.




You know how we always want what we can't have? Perhaps that tendency was built within us in the first place. I think the desire for the unattainable is a beautiful thing! We like a challenge. We feel dangerous and risque even. That should be how we seek God-knowing we don't have a chance in Hell (pardon the pun) but seeking Him anyway. We'll never fully comprehend His majesty,love and might but I'll (literally) be damned if I don't try to get to Infinity in Him!

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Africans Say The Darndest Things...

During June of 2005 I spent two weeks in Tororo, Uganda, East Africa. I was there with a team of American and Scottish ladies to host a women's conference. One day during a break from church, which in Africa lasts most of the day, I walked out of the building to take pictures and meet the women who had traveled so far to our conference. I had only been out the door for about 15 seconds when a short Ugandan woman ran up to me. She raised and dropped her arms in a gesture of pure inspiration and awe as she approached.

With no introduction she exclaimed with a thick accent,
"I had no idea they had short people in America!"

(For those of you that are unaware I stopped growing once I hit 5 feet) A weird giggle/laugh thing escaped my unprepared mouth. I am used to short jokes and greatly enjoy a well crafted one, however I never expected to hear them in Uganda.

As if by a holy revelation she announced,
"I thought in America you were all very tall like great buildings. But you-you are short like me…"

At that point I was trying very hard not to break out hysterically and was somewhat successful. However the next sentence undid my composure completely.

"…but I am not fat like you!" she exclaims with admiration.

At this pronouncement I did burst into fairly hysterical laughter which I quickly tried to suppress. This effort of course resulted in no end of odd facial expressions as I tried to muster all the muscle control I had to keep a straight face.

I then prayed for her at her request with I'm sure a hint of laughter in my voice. I then shared this little anecdote with my team who all considered it a great joke.

I love Africans!

Paradox of Childlike Faith

Paradox of Maturity and Childlike Faith

The older I get, the younger I feel-perhaps that’s not right; the more naïve I feel. I’m supposed to be an adult but the maturity I took pride in in high school is no longer so above and beyond. Now it seems I’m having to play catch up. Rare is the moment in which I feel like an adult, a lady, a possible wife, business owner. Yet the time for me to truly launch out into the depths of adulthood-financial independence, my profession and hopefully my marriage and all that lies beyond will be here any moment. Will I be ready? I guess in the back of my mind I assumed that I’d wake up one day and feel like an adult. Perhaps when I graduated? Perhaps when I turned 21? But somehow I have the sneaking suspicion that that day will never arrive. It seems that so many of my contemporaries (and even some younger to my chagrin) have already crossed the threshold from youth to adulthood. Will I ever feel ready to walk down the aisle? Or be secure enough not to need that?

Paradox #1

I’ll be entering the professional world soon. I’m getting my feet wet now. I suppose that’s what college is for-getting in the water slowly inch by inch. But you know- I was always the kid to run wildly and leap in now matter how cold or how deep. Perhaps that’s why I’m so restless at college just going through the motions. My spirit wants to jump in but I’m forced to inch my way in.

Paradox #2

On the other hand I’m a planner. I have to over think and analyze ever nuance. I have to understand it. Seems I’ve lost that gumption and courage. When it comes to following God wherever He would take me I fear that I’d be more likely to wait and analyze, just go around in circles instead of jumping right in. I don’t want to see the picture of that hat. I want to see the elephant inside the boa constrictor.

I desire adventure and romance. I need to live an uncommon life. Somewhere inside me there’s a wild free spirit. That girl who doesn’t make decisions based on circumstances. I was the goofy faithful kid who’d climb higher, jump farther and push harder despite all obstacles. But somewhere along the way that spirit was bridled. It still rears up, but so does doubt and my ever so analytical “grown up” mind. I’m good…but not good enough. I’m funny…but some other girl is funnier. I have some great things going for me…but some other girl will get his heart. All those feelings and many more tend to reign over the once free-spirited girl. Comparisons are odious.

Life was so uncomplicated as a kid. Which makes me think of childlike faith….Mhh. That concept has always bothered me, if ever so slightly. It’s vulnerable, naïve, perhaps uneducated.

Kids may be naïve but they know who they are, where they’re going and what they want.

“Only the children know what they are looking for”.-the Little Prince

"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible, and achieve it, generation after generation."-Pearl S. Buck

So, often I feel that I have to know it all and understand every nuance. However, do children? So often they ignore the logical and details. When something goes wrong, where do kids run? Straight to their parents. So we should also run to our heavenly Father with all our little woes and joys. When we think we have all the answers and understanding, we stop seeking the Almighty’s input, because we’ve got it covered. We don’t need to bother God because we can handle it.

I’ve been afraid to dream, to desire. To write and compose for fear that I’m just mediocre. Kids will try anything. They know how to push the envelope, toe the line and see how far they can go. I believe that when Jesus said, “Let the little children come”, He wanted the audacious and goofy kids. Those kinds of kids know who they are and that he loves them.


Often, when we picture that scene we see some precious wide eyed meek child timidly approaching Him. That is not what I see. Kids don’t care about formality or titles. The kids Jesus was referring to weren’t concerned with impressing him with their holiness. I picture an incorrigible little guy with a twinkle in his eye. I see him marching right up to J.C. and demanding the Biblical era equivalent of a dodge ball game. Does the Messiah chastise the ignorant tyke for being irreverent? No way. He’s going to get down and run around with those kids chasing him and cheering when He lets them get Him. This kid isn’t out of line. He is approaching the throne of grace with confidence. Shouldn’t we? At first the concept of childlike faith comes across as naïve and ignorant. This topic leads me to think also of our being compared to sheep. In multiple places in the Bible we are compared to sheep. Sheep are dumb. They blindly follow. We are trained to have to know, to criticize-so to be sheeplike seems to be weakness and stupidity. However, sheep know their master’s voice. Even though some earthly shepherds might use that knowledge to lead their flocks to the slaughter, our Shepherd has not, is not and will not ever lead us astray. We can confidently follow His voice. It isn’t blind faith or stupidity. It is because we know who we are, who our God is and who we are in Him. We follow the voice of the one we trust.

So it seems I have things a bit mixed up. I feel young and naïve but without the wild abandon. I do however possess the oh-so-grown-up analytical mind. So I question my maturity and readiness. I love the blunt way kids praise and criticize. No matter how many times they’ve told the same bad knock-knock joke they will continue to find it hilarious long after all grown ups are praying for some intellectual conversation. Being a mature Christian doesn’t mean blind obedience to an invisible shepherd or adopting an uppity religiosity-but to be confident in who He is and who we are in Him. Knowing that if we launch out into the deep he won’t just keep us from drowning-He will take us deeper into a new level of experiencing Him.

Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.-The Little Prince

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Wellspring of Life

Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23
Cast not your pearls before swine. Matthew 7:6

Our hearts are very precious things. Sometimes I fear we prostitute our souls and innermost beings in order to bridge the gap between us and others we wish to be close to. We share personal things and sometimes even pray together to create a forced sense of intimacy rather than letting a genuine bond form. It is manipulative and a lack of faith to try to take such fragile things into our own hands.

I need the faith to trust that God is going to bring all things together for the good of those that love Him.

I know that I personally tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Then the phrase, "what you see is what you get" pops into my head. That scares me. I desperately hope that there is more to me than meets the eye, that I have a beauty and value to unveil, but only at the right time to the right person. Sometimes I fear that I am no more than my outward persona.

But on some level I know that when I was designed there was far more placed in me than even I know; that over time different aspects and qualities will be revealed. I need not put my qualities on display, but rather allow them to be discovered.

Our hearts are easily damaged. We need to make sure that the people who have access to that part of us are not the sort that will mishandle such a privilege. And it is a privilege to be admitted into someone's heart. We have forgotten that discretion is the better part of valor and certain things should be shared on a need-to-know basis. We all have treasure that God has placed inside of us and we shouldn't stick things of such value out in the open.

Things that we hold dear we protect. Our money is secure in a bank or safe. Should we not give our hearts better care than our finances? The thing that's difficult with our hearts is the paradox of protecting it and still being able to open up at the right time. We don't want to be embedded behind the walls of a fortress but neither do we want our hearts so accessible that they can be abused and left behind. We need to be vulnerable to God and open with a select few individuals. Finding the balance is difficult but possible to achieve.

As the great theologian Ben Parker put it: "With great power comes great responsibility". We must make sure to take as good care of the hearts of others that we would have ours taken care of. We should not put others into temptation or compromising positions, but do everything we can to draw the people around us not toward us, but toward God.

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence."-Ben Franklin